Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Case file 1482, callie ames reporting. This is my first asignment. I call this the case of church of sal!”
“Sall george Tomlinson was the king of infomercial. You name it he sold it. He had a top notch ligal department who turned parsing words into an art form. He knew how to stay off the f.c.c’s nottie list. They were suspicious but could never get him on anything. ”
“One day while on a flight from london to Chicago the comercial flight crashes. The entire passingers are all killed except for sall . He does not have a scrach. ”
“Am hour before the crash, 89 year old senator bertha obrian of new Hampshire gets up and says may the lord protect his people and his servent sall! Then she had a heart attack and died right on the floor of the senate!”
“A defrocked Episcopal priest declares that sall is a modern day prophet. A church gets started. Mericles are anounced. There were rivival meatings all over the country. ”
“Call i dont buy it!” My boss mr. Edson said. ” it sounds like a bunch of huie i agree. A us senator who to my knowledge never met sall. A plane crash ! You can’t fake that? This would be a huge plot if true. “I said.
“The guy has made his living flecing people ! The fcc,sec,sba,fbi, bbb,i think the humane society is even looking into him. This guy is a charliten!”he said.
“People change. Apostle paul,micheal milken,chuck colsen,lead singer of corn,astronima from power rangers. Speaking of change..”i said.
He set up a changing table in his office. I laid down. He pulled my gray dress pants down. He pulled off my diaper. He took out wipes and wiped me down. He took out a fresh diaper. I felt better now.
“Let me change you”i said. I pulled down his pants. Sure enough he nedded a change. I changed his diaper. He put his pants back on.
“Look i believe in the power of faith. I know people can change. This thing smels to high heaven cal. He is up to something ! “He said.
“Ordinarily i would agree with you but some of these things you just can’t fake! “I said.
“I know that. Do you in your heart of hearts believe this is ligit?”he asked.
“No i don’t. The senator was senile. She had no business being in the senate. I doubt shs was involved in a plot to fool people. I doubt sall commited mass murder in order to start a cult. The guy is slezy but i don’t think he is a genocidal maniac !” I said.
“This seams like a frauid!”he said.”i have an idea!” I said. He liked my idea.
Reverand sall as he was known now. He got his ordination from one of those mail order places. He held rivial meatings all over the country.
He held one in rumford maine. He rented hosmer field. The local ligitimate clergy in the area were not happy about this but the towns liked the revinue. They wanted to use the mony to buy a fire engine from new york city for no orther reason then it was cool looking.
I wore a lose fiting sleveless dress and sandles. It was clear i was diapered. I made sure i drank a lot.
I was going to confront him the only way i knew how. If he could cure my incontinence ,i would know he was the real deal. If he could not i would work to expose him.
I got in line to be healed. While wating i pied at least three times. An old bitty complaned about the stench. I lectured her about by the grace of God do i. She was not happy but held her peace.
Finally i arived at the front of the line. “What can i do for you?” “Reverend” sal asked. I told him my life story of how i was injured in the war.
  He prayed this odd prayer. He said it was a havenly laungrege. In reality it was Klingon. Who knew that angels were star trek fans.
The prayer made no sense. It delt with bunies and arm pit. Yes i speak Klingon. Hay i am a diasabled vet who can’t control there bladder. My social life is non excistent. 
He said he heard from heaven. The message was from an angel named marvin. I did not make that part up. He said that i was cured. There was claps and aplause.
I decided to test it. I took off my diaper. Clened myself off went without a diaper. Sufice it to say i was not cured. I owe the rental compony mony to replace the apostery In there car. I think it may come out of my paycheck.
During testimony time,i drank watter on the stage and proved i was nor cured. The networks ran with it. That was the end if reverand sal.
Apearently he was never on that plane. He had his name put on the list after. He had the story leaked to the press. As for bertha i have no clue. Every one from the new york times to rumford falls times want to intervue me. My blader can’t endue an intervue. Besides i have another case!”
The end

Advertisements